If there’s someone that you find attractive and you’re keen on dating her you’re gonna try to impress her. It’s natural… the animal kingdom is full of examples of this e.g. peacocking.
The problem is that if you’re keen to impress and you’re a bit nervous you may end up trying to overcompensate and come across as overly confident. Here we give you our top 5 tips on things you should avoid at all costs.
1. Talking about yourself 24/7
You may well be interesting, and you may want to showcase yourself in the best possible light. Fine, but take it from me – hogging centre stage is a huge turn-off. Yes, she will want to know all about you; but not all at once, and she’ll want to find things out herself at a natural pace. Intrigue is sexy, but garrulous gushing (especially about yourself and yourself only) is far from it.
I once dated a guy who didn’t even give me the courtesy of letting me finish my sentences. I would start to tell him something about my perspective, or my life, and often before I had finished my point he would bring the conversation back around to himself. Can you imagine how irritating that was? After a few dates (which he was lucky to get!) I felt that I knew pretty much everything about him, yet he had barely asked a single thing about me. I soon got tired of his company… so all that posturing was a total waste of my time and his energy.
2. Trying to be funny all the time
There’s a time and a place for humor, and although you will rightly want to laugh with her, she’ll spot it a mile off if you’re doing so in a contrived fashion. I realised over time that some of my boyfriends were using humor to avoid deep connection or vulnerability. That might sound a bit far-fetched but in reality, constantly trying to find the funny side in everything can be quite a convenient deflection technique in relationships; probably because avoiding seriousness means you can escape uncomfortable feelings.
I’m not saying that you need to be deadly serious throughout your date – that’s not particularly attractive either. I just mean that you should be aware of when it’s appropriate to make a joke and when it’s not. If you find yourself rifling through your memory banks in search of wise cracks, you’re on the wrong track. Let it flow naturally.
3. Bragging about what you have
Showing off is something we’ve been told not to do since we first went to school. My dating experience tells me that this advice too often fell on deaf ears. Although it’s not a bad thing to recognise and appreciate your skills and talents, there are ways to highlight these without coming off as a bragger. What’s more, skills, talents and virtues are usually far more attractive to women than personal acquisitions and status.
At the end of the day, do you really want to be with a woman who only wants you for your house, car or ability to buy her gifts? If you want her to love you for who you are, focus on conveying attractive personal qualities instead. I would rather live in a caravan with a man with a heart of gold than in a mansion with a self-absorbed show off. Your ability to do well for yourself may be attractive to women, but most likely because it indicates drive, motivation and independence. You won’t need to give her your material CV for her to work this out for herself.
4. Being late for your date
When someone is late for any kind of meeting with me, unless there is a genuine hold up, I’m inclined to wonder if they value my time as much as their own. On a date this is a major red flag. The chances are your date has gone the extra mile to look her best for you - and she’ll be right on time. If you aren’t, she’s going to wonder if this connection will be a two-way street.
At best tardiness comes across as disorganised. At worst it comes across as inconsiderate or disrespectful. None of these traits will be particularly appealing to your date. If you want to impress her, get ready early, plan your route (and parking, etc.) properly… and if possible, get there before she does.
5. Forgetting to compliment her
Trust me, this lady has put a lot of time and effort into her appearance for your date. It’s just the way we women work! She wants you to notice her style, her new hair cut, or whatever else she’s made an effort with. She may have compliment-worthy natural attributes, so when you notice these don’t be shy about saying so.
You don’t need to go overboard, as that won’t seem sincere – but a few well-placed compliments will work wonders. Every woman wants to hear that she has a cracking smile, a great sense of humor or pretty eyes. If you fail to mention a single thing, she may think you haven’t noticed her at all.
The bottom line is that if you want to keep her attention, you should inquire about her rather than talking only about yourself, turn up on time, compliment her, resist the urge to brag, and don’t play the joker excessively. Get this right and your second date should soon be in the diary.
Happy dating Xx