While many men might not admit it, the reality is that thousands across the city haven’t perfected the art of dating yet. I’m not saying that you’re rocking up to your dates and epically failing, but there’s a certain approach that helps to nurture a new connection, taking it from a couple of dates to something that actually resembles a relationship.
Hey gorgeous! We know that dating can be a scary prospect, especially for men. If you’re a single guy who is looking for an authentic relationship with someone who gets you read on.
Make these tweaks to your approach and you could find the love you’ve been looking for…
1. Fix Your Woman-Picker
You might not have thought about how you choose who you date, but it’s an important step to work towards a lasting relationship. Many of us tend to focus on looks first - of course, attraction is important, but it’s essential to gain an understanding of yourself, in terms of your character and your personality, to understand what attributes in a partner would suit you best.
Avoid writing someone off because they don’t fit your cookie-cutter mold perfectly when it comes to looks - you don’t know if you’ll have an emotional connection with someone until you meet them. Rather than limiting your chances, be open to who you meet, but always consider the key attributes that are important to you.
Challenge 1: Think of a friend that you find attractive - this doesn’t mean a friend you fancy, but someone that you admire or find yourself drawn to. Take the time when you meet up to consider what it is about this person that you like - are they kind, intelligent, positive? Use this experience to build a picture of the characteristics that you are drawn to.
Top Dating Tip: It’s important to understand that chemistry is essential to build a meaningful connection. For now, forget about the model perfect-looks or the kick-ass career, instead focus on what really matters. Try this for your next few dates and see what happens…
2. Focus on What is Important
Learning to date like a grownup isn’t easy. Negative behaviours can be deeply ingrained in us and are learnt habits, which are tricky to unlearn. Dating in secret, using negative comments to win people over, and going after the single that everyone else is going after happens frequently, but none of these habits allow you to develop a lasting relationship.
As a Relationship Expert & Matchmaker, I’ve had clients say things like ‘I’m not keen on blondes’ or ‘I want to date someone ten years younger than me’. These suggestions are fine in the sense that we all have deal-breakers, but what’s key here is how important these deal breakers are to you. It’s this kind of attitude that might be holding you back.
Challenge 2 – Choose your dealbreakers from below and discuss them with a couple that you know. What are your real reasons for choosing them? If you were in a relationship with someone could they prevent things from working out?
Top Dating Tip: External traits don’t provide any information about what a person is really like, what they care about, how they think or what their dreams and ambitions are. Try to move away from these meaningless deal-breakers and give someone who is attracted to you a chance to achieve success in love and life.
3. Consider your Dating Intentions
Are you after a one-nighter or a proper relationship? While it’s unlikely that you’ll decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone on the first or second date, it’s essential that you thoroughly understand your own intentions. The way you approach the dating experience makes a huge difference, and while you might think you want a lasting relationship, this might not be the message you are putting out.
This is far from a quick fix - building a meaningful relationship takes time, effort and commitment. Getting to know someone on a deeper level takes time, and this doesn’t work as well if you’ve got five text conversations on the go. Invest in emotional bonding, and focus on one person at a time. Be straight with yourself when it comes to what you want - focus on that end goal of creating a long-term relationship.
Challenge 3 – When you meet someone that you’d like to spend more time with and get to know a little better let them know. See any rejections and protection from being with someone who is just not that into you.
Top Dating Tip - Very few people get the ‘you’re the one’ feeling after a few dates, so if you like someone keep going and invest the time you need into building that bond.
4. Always be Yourself
It’s super important to just be you, even if that means that you don’t match up well with someone you had high hopes for. There’s no need to make up a bunch of hobbies and interests - be straight about who you are from the start. No need to pretend you’re really into sushi if it’s not your thing. It’s essential that you simply be you, don’t try to shape yourself to fit your date. It’s just as important when dating to get to know yourself, as well as getting to know what attributes you find attractive in a partner. Lasting relationships are built on trust and honesty, so start as you mean to go on.
Challenge 4 – If you have a dating profile online reveal as much about your personality as you can by letting the other person know that sort of things you’ve been up to and what you have planned in life.
Top Dating Tip – Most women think that common interests are the key to compatibility when it isn’t the case. When your start a conversation with someone try to elicit their passions and see if it is something you can relate to. The easiest way to find out someone’s passion is to find out what they spend most of their time doing when they're not busy working.
5. Change the Way you Look at Rejection
Rejection happens to the best of us, and it’s nothing to feel ashamed of, nor should it knock your confidence. Change the way you see rejection - consider the fact that it’s far better to be rejected by someone early on, than spending time trying to build something with them that would never work out. Remember not to take it personally too - there are a million reasons why someone might get rejected, and often those reasons lie with the other person, rather than with you.
Challenge 5 – Be bold and aim to be rejected a minimum of three times in one week. Just say what you’re thinking/feeling to the person you are interested in and prepare for a no. This will develop your rejection muscles and means that you won’t miss out on love when it is knocking on your door.
Top Dating Tip - A no means a yes to someone else that genuinely likes you and wants to spend time with you. If you get knocked back, just wish them all the best and move on.
6. Use Your Time Wisely
Our time is precious, and it shouldn’t be given out freely to anyone, but many of us go round and round in circles, dating the same kind of people that we know aren’t right for us.
Become savvy when it comes to possible time wasters or fakes. Look out for people that might use you for your money. You’re a gentleman and it’s likely you’re happy to pay for a date when you asked them out, but make sure someone isn’t pestering you to take them out, always choosing high-end restaurants and then showing little or no interest in you.
Challenge 6 - Think about your perfect partner and then compare this with someone you’d get on well with and be able to have a real relationship with. What kind of person do you keep falling for? What is your motivation for continually choosing them? It’s important that you value connection as much as attraction.
Top Dating Tip: You need to spend quality time getting to know someone, but if anyone is flaky in responding to your calls, or not putting the same amount of effort in, it’s time to move on.
7. Learn How to Make Relationships Last
First and foremost, it’s essential to accept that men and women are different and have different needs. Women need lots of TLC to ensure they feel loved and valued, while men are more simple creatures. However, it’s important to find a balance. If the woman who wants you to call every hour of every day isn’t for you, communicate how you feel and if it’s not right just move on from anyone that you feel is too needy. Some men thrive on providing this reassurance, while others need a little more space. Finding a good fit in terms of how much love and attention someone needs from early on is key to creating a balanced and long-lasting relationship.
It’s also important to consider that regardless of age everyone has a little baggage and a past and that nobody is perfect. Once you get these things into your head, you’ll find yourself much more open to creating something meaningful. Make sure you have the growth mindset so that you can invest time into choosing a partner, learning and improving as you go.
When you’re just starting out, dating can be a minefield, but with experience and growth, you can find exactly what you’re looking for.
Challenge 7 – Book a call with one of our Matchmakers and discuss your relationship goals.
Top Dating Tip - We work busy professionals, like you to help you achieve success in love, as well as matching you with compatible people so that you can learn more about yourself, others and in turn find that lasting and meaningful relationship. Sign-up for a course or read a book to boost your knowledge on emotional intelligence.
At Mai Tai, we use a bespoke 6-dimension methodology, by underpinning values like chemistry, commitment and compatibility to help you find your perfect partner. Feel free to give us a call to find out more.